Don’t Play Ludo With My Heart
Modern dating and the cultural impressions that make it harder.
I don’t know what’s happening worldwide, but dating has been a dump.
So many people are tired, stressed, and moreover depressed with a void of love and romance.
We don’t know how to treat each other right anymore.
The reason why dating has become the game theory of each other’s hearts is not restricted to that of dating app algorithms, but rather the role that each gender contributes to.
I’m writing this from a brown person perspective, but I hope this resonates on a more broad level.
Note: this is from an observational lens, as a Brown woman, and I don't hate men.
Brown men aren’t held accountable within their own families.
When it comes to families introducing each other, modern arranged marriage, or something along those lines, I’ve noticed that brown men aren’t held accountable for their actions.
It could be simply for trivial things since their childhood, that have greater implications later on. Or a persistent culture within the household to let things slide since they’re “just being boys.”
I’ve seen many families that keep the same culture persistently, not knowing when to balance “East meets West.”
Later on, they’re free to develop any notion, or project misogyny ambiguously or directly. These ideas don’t die easily, they’re instilled and ingrained.
Don’t get me started on colorism.
When a brown guy says they’re only into white women or only date white women, I already know what’s the issue.
Ambiguously, there’s a mindset that men look at face value and women look at potential.
If women aren’t pretty and present themselves with a facade, there’s no guarantee you’ll be accepted for who you are.
The superficial culture of beauty is more predominant over brains.
Although women lead with their heads, I’ve heard that men are quite clever at knowing how to use their words.
However, do words really matter at the end of the day —or do actions?
Likemindedness is key, but how about stepping up to the plate and taking charge for once?
Women, on the other hand, look at accomplishments, and the potential of what could be (usually). I’ve heard about this through multiple conversations — what school did he go to? What does he plan to do with his life? What are his values?
While this makes sense in the long run, as everyone should have a sense of fulfillment from their careers, I haven’t heard this dialogue for women.
Or at least, it’s not at the forefront of what’s considered.
Yes, men are wired to be visual creatures, which is perfectly fine.
However, to be a team, a partnership, and to have a vision, what if a woman’s ambition takes precedence over the man?
Why are her ambitions considered masculine and aggressive?
Although today’s time makes it easier to have such ambitions, this mindset hasn’t died. We have generations worth of ingrained ideas that don’t change overnight.
Women use beauty to their advantage.
I’ve seen people lower their standards out of desperation.
Women have told me that they cry knowing their beauty is at the forefront of interactions. It’s the facade we cater to, as a society altogether.
I’ve noticed many use it to boost their ego as well. I’m not a huge fan of this idea, as inner beauty does shine in the long run.
However, if you have commitment issues or use it to play around — technically speaking — you’re a part of the problem.
Women aren’t taught how to build a standard and be in tune with their feminine energy.
We live in a hypermasculine country, let alone the world.
Without balance, we tend to focus on careers more than anything else, and never sit down to understand ourselves.
This hurts the natural wiring of women.
Careers are great, however, extreme masculinity in the workforce creates gender wars.
We don’t allow ourselves to naturally maneuver things, we’re not considered equal existentially, and more so, there are several industries that practice gender inequality.
What ends up happing is that we end up being in a masculine state of mind 24/7, and stepping back to breathe, is quite tough.
That trickles down to other parts of our lives.
Keep your guard up and imprison your emotions.
Modern dating has huge flaws. We’re not sincere enough to be clear and value the other person. While you do get hurt while dating, it’s better to be hurt with clarity of the other person’s intentions.
I don’t understand why it’s a guessing game.
It seems like the cold transactional nature of the modern world, is creeping its way into dating.
Multiple women have told me that they have to keep their guard up, knowing that not everyone is deserving of their time. This idea makes sense in the short term, when you’re getting to know people, however, it has a few flaws.
- For how long are you going to guard your feelings, stay stuck in the grey area, and bottle them up?
- Why is it that women have to guard them up in order to not look desperate or that they’re “seeking” something with potential?
- Why do men have to bottle them up in order to look like nothing bothers them?
- Why do we have such a large pool of emotionally unavailable people?
I have never found answers to any of these questions.
Superficiality, our phones, and the mental well-being of people.
Today’s Instagram culture is something unique.
We do everything for clout. It’s like fame, attention, and followers outweigh all aspects of life.
I thought art was a form of expression, and Instagram takes it to a whole different level.
Deep down though, we long for connection.
Instagram, and the internet, in general, have made our ability to communicate and empathize, as skills that are lost.
Are we really happy?
In the long run…
If you want a takeaway from this rant, I hope this makes a difference:
Don’t be a walking confusion.
Be in tune with your ideas, and make sure they come out clear.
If you value your own time, value anyone else’s time the same way.
Ego/pride is your worst enemy.
